Notes for my standup routine

“I love your eyes.”  (Yes, on the surface that doesn’t sound weird or funny but it was the ONLY thing this person said to me. It wasn’t said in a ‘Aren’t you pretty’ kind of way but in a ‘I want to take them’ kind of way.)

“That was a needlessly sassy remark.” (It wasn’t. It had just the right amount of sass.)

“You’re worth that kind of money.”

“This sassiness will be noted and made part of your permanent record.”

The pup, H, has a submission this week.  While in the elevator with two neighbors, the lady asked her name. When I told her, she replied “Heidi Ho. The name Heidi always makes me think of Joan Rivers.” She further explained that it was a bit Rivers did about a high school friend who was a slut.  The male neighbor, who is a big fan of my pup, said “Hey, she can’t defend herself.” and reached down to pet Heidi, promptly telling her she was a good girl.

What’s funnier? The fact that the male neighbor thought she was calling my dog a slut? Or the fact that he defended her?



P.S. – While my mother does not want to be found quoted in this blog, a friend does. He asked, after I laughed so hard I know my neighbors had to hear me, ‘Will it make your quote of the week list?’ Yes it did!


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